Dear Mary

Simplifying Decision Making

My Dad is having trouble making decisions, even simple ones. How can I help him?

Thanks,

Kimberly

April 9, 2012 | 0 comment(s)

I am going out of my mind. We just had our mother’s funeral last week and my sister has started to go into our mother’s house and is taking things out. These are family “things” some of value, most of sentimental value. What should I do?

Brenda

March 26, 2012 | 1 comment(s)

My thick headed brother.

My brother thinks that I am overreacting to my Dad’s situation. He is not eating well, rarely has a bath, does not take his medications and just watches TV. He really is no longer able (in my humble opinion) to live alone and take care of himself. I live close by and do most of the running around with and for him. My brother shows up on some weekends or when his wife will let him out. How can I get it through my brother’s thick head that Dad needs more care?

Ivanna

March 11, 2012 | 0 comment(s)

“What? You are going there again”?

Dear Mary

My husband gets sick of me talking about taking care of my parents. He really does not get it. He has never taken care of anybody in his life. He always yells at me and says: “What? You are going there again”. When I get home from taking care of my parents, he never asks about them. He really finds them a total inconvenience in our lives. I am trying to please everyone, but I am so unhappy, nothing is working.

Thanks

Annie

February 25, 2012 | 0 comment(s)

Long Distant Dying

My mother-in-law is dying of cancer. She lives 2 hours from most of her family including my husband, her son. Her POA has decided to make his own life easier by picking a place in their small town for her to go into a long term care facility. He can come and go to visit her in about 5 minutes. There are lots of long term care places in our town, and her POA has many family homes that he is welcomed to stay.

This is very selfish on his part, and my mother-in-law stated about a month ago when she was still able to make her own decisions that she wishes she were closer to all of us. She actually asked my husband to help her make a list of people who would visit her in their small town, and the number of people who would visit her in our town. They both knew she would get more visits if she were here. Now that the POA has kicked in, she no longer can say what she had wanted. Her POA is calling the shots and forces all of us to travel hours to make a visit. He is very mean and selfish. He could care less that we spend about 4-5 hours driving (round trip) to have a one hour or less visit.

Janice

February 15, 2012 | 2 comment(s)

Guilt Trips

Yesterday I had Christmas with my Dad and my grandmother in her seniors home. It was a nice visit but both my Dad and grandmother spent most of the visit nagging me about how I never come to visit my grandmother. I should visit more often, call and bring the kids around more. I heard this for hours. I live about a 45 minute ride from my grandmother, and saw her back in August. I guess I could visit more but I am busy. That does not seem to be as visiting too infrequently. – but they do.

In a couple of days from now, we do the same visit but with my mother-in-law. It will take us about two hours to drive there. In my mind I can hear all the similar nagging on this upcoming visit. I am sure driving home; I will re-play all the negative comments about not visiting, calling etc. You get the picture. I really do not think that it is fair that everyone dumps on me about visiting. What should I do?

Sue

December 26, 2011 | 0 comment(s)

Taking Mom Out

Our 92 year mother is in her wheelchair all day long. She often sleeps in it during the day and has to be lifted into bed. She no longer walks. She sleeps most of the time, wears diapers and we hire a caregiver in her nursing home to help feed her.

My sister wants to bring my mother out for a family holiday dinner together. There is a three hour window when she does not have to be changed and will most likely be able to enjoy the family outing.

My son and husband will have to lift her into and out of the car and carry her wheelchair up the front stairs. I am worried that this will be alot of pressure and too much for my Mom to handle. Should we take her out or keep her in for our family event?

Donna

December 15, 2011 | 0 comment(s)

Caregiver Fights

Dear Mary

My mother-in-law is 88 and has recently had cataract surgery. She requires someone to help put the drops in her eyes and to help her around her home – virtually 247 for the next month or so. My husband and his 5 siblings (and their spouses) are all constantly fighting about who is doing what, who does not help enough, etc. The fighting over the phones and in person is getting worse every day. Everyone is already tired of this post-surgery help and is not doing a good job of anything at this point. It is tearing the family apart. What should I do?

Cath

December 6, 2011 | 2 comment(s)

“The Holidays”

It’s not even December, and I am already stressed out about the Holidays. As a caregiver, I already have so much on my plate. Any ideas to help reduce my stress will be greatly appreciated.

Ruth

November 27, 2011 | 0 comment(s)

Paying my sister?

My sister takes care of our parents 5 days a week. She is there about 6-8 hours per day. She thinks that “somebody” should be paying her. I think that she should do it for free – after all it is our parents that she is caring for. What do you think?

Jack

November 22, 2011 | 3 comment(s)

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